searching for zuul srchai
zuul srchai
we;re motivated
by the scars that we're made of...
we take our places
in the dark and turn
our hearts to the stars
☉ cancer 10th house. ambitious, take pride in achievements, wants recognition, ego and self-esteem based on success of goals, Loyal, protective, intuitive, sensitive, moody, independent, honest, self-sacrifices, lover of family history, traditional, great memory, heart on sleve, quick to retreat when pushed, strong-willded, tenacious.
☽ virgo 12th house. insecure in social situations, different in private, behind the scenes, fulfilled in serving others. Naturally analytical emotions, appears unemotional, structured and detailed, routine, practical, health-conscious, skeptical, humble, charming, reasonable, creative, reliable, patient, kind, stubborn, overthinking, picky, subtle in expressing affections
Asc libra charming, reasonable, nice, helpful, mediator, sensitive to chaos and disruption, instinct for balance, leisure loving, label conscious, talkative
"The Advocate" INFJ
Guided by their own set of personal ideals, reality is a discouraging place. This does not stop them from looking forward to a happier future, placing positive action through an intrisic drive. Because of this, they are better at living in the moment, rather than worrying about the future. Attentive listeners, they are highly perceptive to others. Scores highest in being Sincere, Sympathetic, Unassuming, Submissive, Easygoing, Reserved and Patient. However, once they form an intuitive theory on a subject, it is not something they can let go of freely and may be seen as unyielding. Focused on their own internal insights, they do use extroverted feeling in decision making. Highly aware of what others are feeling, they are less likely be be aware of their own emotions, but struggle to deny the requests of others in fear of causing hurt. Soft-spoken, they prefer to keep the peace and not challenge others. Seen as a walking contradiction at times, they wish to be noticed and appreciated but do not care for attention. Independent, but wishing for companionship. Highly logical thinkers who will step away and follow their intuition. Prefers deep, authentic relationships with similar core values. Requires time to process thoughts and feelings, recharging from social events. Struggles in self-care.
"The Bear" 8w9

The softer side of the Enneagram 8's, they are more people-oriented,less materialistic and hold more patience. Basic Fear is being hurt by others. Basic desire is to assert control and guard themselves from threats. Key motivations drive them to be self-reliant, prove their strengths, resist weaknesses, to become important in their world, and to stay in control of their situation. They have a tendency to be calm, laid-back, seek independence, struggles to openly share emotions, energetic, confident, sees and accepts other perspectives, leads through support, protective, attentive, struggles to control temper, stubborn, dislikes rules or at least being told what to do, appears emotionally detached, and chooses their battles. a boundary setter who carries their energy in their stomach. possesses a quiet power and understated wisdom. attuned to nonverbal cues and body language. at worst, reclusive and dissociated. almost immune to anxiety.

prized possessions (acquired since 06/57)

favored comebacks ass backwards ↠ I don't sugar shit, i'm not willy wonka ↠ here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip ↠ your face! ↠ kura farted, that's as close as you're going to get to her giving a shit ↠ that's what she said ↠ it takes one to know one, but it takes two to know you ↠ take a chill pill ↠ hubies ↠ shit happens ↠ dayum ↠ noob ↠ shook ↠ throwing shade ↠ gettin' jiggy ↠ totally buggin' ↠ your mom!

do's prepare produce ↠ have kura on my back more when at market ↠ study techniques of others ↠ use more slang ↠ try ↠ take time for yourself ↠ be picky about recipes from books ↠ mix up routine ↠ find good company ↠ forgive ↠ build a home ↠ remember your place, your position ↠ limit interactions with those that view you by their cultural norms ↠ excercise for anxiety and stress relief ↠ stay clean and dry ↠ use tissues ↠ keep your traditions to yourself unless asked ↠ what you know is right

dont's talk to strangers who speak to themselves ↠ get drugged ↠ ask questions when one is "taking the piss" and drawing ↠ believe what is said in films ↠ get stuck on child safety caps ↠ look back ↠ avoid spices ↠ don't listen to everyone, pick through the information ↠ think about home ↠ correct the beliefs others have in you ↠ be lax with kura

remember humans are not necessarily crotchety due to evolution from apes ↠ droids must evolve to pre-programmed crotchety ↠ some droids are fun and not abusive ↠ not today satan ↠ eggs are actually the "devil" ↠ being "nosy" is "normal" ↠ make things one's bitch ↠ "how are you?" is only "hello" ↠ humans are still very primal ↠ your values matter ↠ you're not always meant to understand ↠ you don't need to actually try every new food someone attempts to introduce you to ↠ your tastes are not theirs ↠ pears are not potatoes ↠ apples are not pears

skills astronomy, air and space navigation, astrophysics, quantumphysics, space physics, linear algebra, spherical trigonometry, calculus, hand-to-hand combat, repr'ock (similiar to bojutsu), exceptional marksmanship, mauever warfare, introspective, guidance, vertical and horizontal caving, animal training, inquisitive, resourceful, strives to aid others, bouldering, rigging.

culinary arts

lessons learned ☆ He finds an elderly woman waiting on the corner. Believing he's seen this before, he moves to help her, only for her to resist and complain. She needs no help, she's doing just fine on her own, wait until her son hears about this. Finally moving to flip him off, as she walks away. "Fuck you!" Leaving him in awe, as he smiles and waves, looking up the translation for those words. He's thrown, are offers for intercourse that easy?

☆ He has a conversation with Kier about strange human mating practices and how humans have never fully evolved. It's interesting, he takes notes, even through the strangeness of Fuel. At least until he finds out that people exchange photos and get off on them. He makes a face and is disgusted but also unsure. Do they ejaculate into air? Are there papercuts? This feels further lost than a lack of evolution. "But why?" The interpretation was taken so literal, and a new explanation had to begin.

☆ "It's the black one behind you, to your left." He turns, but he doesn't see it. There was a definition of the color he recalled, but thought from the image it didn't make any sense. That somehow it must have been a glitch once learned. Even now, it doesn't feel right. There wasn't a color search that left him with the same appearance, at least to his own gaze. The man comes up behind him, irritated, and grabs the item off the shelf with a huff. Handing it to him, while speaking slowly. "Black." This isn't black, he's sure. But he nods and smiles. "Thank you." Feigning ignorance to the man's mumblings back to the counter.

☆ 'Tick. Tick. Tick.' It's the sound of Kura's long tongue tapping along before the ever vigilant hiss. But there's more to this than an average day out. There's giggling. Light, happy, and not so far from him. He couldn't imagine what it was about but the tapping on his shoulder and movement from the reptile on his back says it all. A little girl with matching green skin and bright blonde hair is chasing Kura's wiggling tail behind him. It was one of those moments that was difficult not to smile in. A smile he didn't even recognize he had. Her brother rushing over, and seeing the expression Zuul had paused at stopping her. "Mama's going to be mad, you know. At what for here?" he asked her, only for the little girl to respond simply with, "Your face!" Zuul watched the entire interaction uncertain, but had to laugh at the shifts in expression. "What's with your face?" he asked the boy, only for that incredulous expression to be turned onto him, causing the little girl to squeal harder.

☆ In a gathering of so many, he sat there with uncertainty written across his own features. The man speaking, it felt as though he were reliving some long lost memory from home. A feeling pushed back down into his stomach from his chest that he couldn't shake. A family that would never view him in the same light again. Only for the truth of this to come out in explosions of light he had seen and didn't understand. The energy that built up on it's own frequency to take out cybernetics around them. The way that people lie helpless again. Was this humanity, his own future, or where two places collided?

☆ Something about the translation didn't feel right for him, not now, not before when it was spoken to him but he let it be. He let all settle into what it was without being able to rationalize what was what, only what he was told. The words spoken and the rest ignored. " is something you feel in your guts and in your bones and it doesn't make sense, but it's there, and it's different for everyone." It hit him in that moment, why he was so hurt, so angry.

Regardless of a seemingly rough exterior, it was never felt to be directed at him. Only respected. Someone to work with closely, who didn't view him or the things he did in some negative light. Without brandishing him with 'don'ts', he found a fortitude of acceptance and care. Everything he thought humanity was supposed to be based upon. From day one, he had only been able to see how much she put into what she cared for and whom. It gave him hope, not that he would find that for himself, but that there were more out there much like her so that he might embrace a home and a family in this new place. That humanity was more than books and capitalism. That it was understandable and relatable. And maybe he should be more like the heroine he watched run headlong into battle.

He had only meant to talk to her about medical issues, of a history and his own alien biology for future incidences. That there might be some hope for less topical solutions, in the case he were ever left behind in situations where help may have been needed. He hadn't expected it to escalate to as much conversation, but it drew him in. Curiosity and care felt matched, more than it had in some time. A crush developed that he was sure had been one sided, that her kindness and wishfulness to help ignited. Until that impulsive moment that he kissed her. One that led to more time spent together, meals shared, and later becoming more physical. Forever unsure how to deem this relationship, it was the closest thing he had to anything romantic since his time away from home. And it left even more uncertainty on the truth behind what humans meant when they used the term "love". Either way, the loss of her light, left him angry, lost, and full of self blame for the physical and mental aspects of their future interactions.

The positive absolution that there is someone here that understands his side of things, the scope from which he had to go through a neverending cultural shock that barrels through him in ways that he doesn't always feel capable to cope with. But there she is, in need and in a position he was once in. Someone he can help navigate through the newfound joys and perils of a life away from home. But they are very different, in ways that others don't imagine. She is a friend lost in a storm. One he believes has the inner depth to come through this, battling her own form of anxiety, depression, and loneliness unlike the way he has, unlike the way he still attempts to. He only hopes that she is able to surpass him and that he was ever a worthy teacher.

His first real attempt at friendship. A fault of Kura's as she went trying to steal eggs from him in the market. An apologetic Zuul left in her wake. What could have been a much worse scenario turned out all too well without anything taking a turn. A joy for the antics of the large reptile and her love of eggs. A friend who became a neighbor, always curious and willing to help with anything anyone needed. Someone to admire for his ability in turning a situation around for the best. Even if Zuul questioned his willingness to move outside of a window covered in plants from so high above. Someone who didn't deserve all the trouble that seemed to find him in Winlock Park among cults and pirate abductions.