His own body would never be taken from it's place and sent to Repra and her harsh winds. It would never be torn apart and left in it's dust and ashes. He would never see his family again beyond those terrible days of fighting and pain before he left. He was no longer part of the whole, no longer part of anything. Just another poser human, one who couldn't fit in even as his life depended upon it. No longer with a place to welcome him home with open arms.
And this is what he solely wished for. Not to be condemned to this life alone.
"The afterlife is whatever a soul wishes or believes it to be." -- Aimee Carter
He was a lost cause, a collapsed light that fell in upon itself. And each time he felt like someone cared, it blew up into something else or died as quickly as it came. A place that left him even more alone than he was when he first came through the gateway. The distinctions between the way of life here and the one he once had, the shock and need to change that no one else understood. The burden was his, and for all the times he tried, there was a content to let it all go the way he had been let go of. He only wished he didn't have to.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." -- Norman Cousins
No journey was easy, but to find the path of least resistance, the one with the least pain, that was what he had been taught to do. For that sense of fulfillment to grow, to look upon Repra and know what matters. Holding fast to his memories, he signed up for more than an expectation. He signed up for a life of nothing short of showing he cared. Because if someone can dislike or even hate and hurt others for no reason, he could see the opportunity to care without knowing them. To wish them the best, and willingly hold a hand out to help them up.
"To make a difference in someone's life you don't have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care." -- Mandy Hale
Closing his eyes, he can still smell it. That clean, fresh, natural scent. The soft texture, even as it crunches against a gloved hand. The chill that comes when it falls beyond the material and wedges in to touch his skin when he prepares to throw. The laughter that surrounded him, with all the smiling faces, pink cheeks and noses. It was the one time he was the least confused, in the moment. Without question or care beyond what was needed. Light and happy, earning the fun he hadn't felt he experienced in so long. He only wished for more all encompassing feelings and moments. Ones he could add with this ever notable collection.
"Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you'll never get the same moment twice." -- Anchal Mehsanri
Everyone with their thoughts and ideas on why you're wrong, never right. Thoughts on why your ideals are far from the truth. Without reasons why other than their own personal preferences. Without any explicit truth to hold onto and accept, only more of the same from every angle that peeked from a corner to decide you were worth the time of day in that moment. In that second of a thought. The way he's seen it, through each and every time, even as people pick fun of others for not being like them, not having what they have. And something about that hurts. Lost without his own people, even grasping at straws with anyone that may appeal to be similiar. So many wishing to be outcasts, but not listening to how that feels. He only wishes it would all go away and that he could see the humanity of everything, in everything, instead of what keeps finding him.
"The greatness is of humanity is not being human, but in being humane." -- Mahatma Gandhi
Smothered by all the knowledge unlocked, and by that which was left unknown. He went against the grain, instead of moving deeper, treating this the way he would at home, he looked up. More than simply to the stars above, the stars all around, but navigated a way towards the docks. Capitalism brought about the separation of class, and no matter how unworthy of such movement he felt, nor understood, he was here. Finding his own balance, wishing upon every star he could find that it would lead to that feeling he so longed for. That this would feel like home.
"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it." -- George A. Moore